when you were young

Dear world,

Today I talked to Brooke. I wanted to tell her so many things.
I had so many things I wanted to say.

I really just wanted to run up to her and hug her and cry and tell her all the things that are wrong with me.

I told her that the doctors think I am depressed.
She said she didn't think I was.

Maybe she's right.
But there are somedays. Days like today, days like yesterday when I feel so down. So sad, I want to sink into the sheets of my bed and never come out.
Some days I can't think of a reason to get out of bed.

How I can tell someone I always feel sad when I have no clue why I am sad?
I have so many things to say and nothing to convey all at the same time.

I am so grateful for this blog.
So many things I can say here and I know no one will ever read this.
And even if they do, I'm not sure I care anymore.

I just want to be happy. Consistently happy.
I want to be able to tell people how I feel.
Even when I say I am being "honest" I am never being completely real.
I don't want to hurt anyone.

Love,
Leesha.