crrrrrepo. :)

i want to hear you say it.
speak your truth.

tell me you hate me.
tell me you need me.

am i making you cringe yet?



laying there in the dark, she sensed everything.
she could hear the faint ticking of the clock in the next room.
the television was a soft fuzz that filled the empty sound space.

her mind was blank.
she was emotionless as she tossed and turned in that cold empty bed
is this what being alone feels like?

the phone rings and it rings but she can't pick it up, her arms are so heavy.
why are they so heavy?

two calls.
three calls.
the horrid sound stops.
she sighs a breath of relief.

"i'm terrified."
barely a whisper, no more then a moan
words escaped her dry cracked lips.

escape.
so simple, so effortless.
but that's not what she wants.

in her dreams, there are so many faces.
she can feel all the eyes staring her down.
what will happen? what will she do next?

nothing.

tehe

Dear world,

I had a pretty good weekend. :)
I got a new Victoria secret hoodie which made me like ridiculously happy. :D
i love sales. [:

i also have a job interview at Qdoba tomorrow so i'm so frickken excited.
i can't wait to have a job and have shopping monies.

Emma Harris better not take my job.
I'll beat her up. >:D

I'm really glad I got to spend the weekend with Lanna.
I had missed her so much and we went on lots of adventures with weekend. [:

I also learned how to make friendship braclets but they are a pain and yeah.
i have three now though so that's kewl. :)

i'm super excited for homecoming.
i hope i end up going.
:D

i feel like this is really random and scattered but whatever.

i need to go pick out an outfit for an interview,
jeans and converse? yes or yes? :D

haha.

hopefully,
i get to hang out with Andy next weekend cos we were suppose to this weekend but...
and i hope i go see The Last Exorcism too! :D
but if i get a job who knows. :o


alldone.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

ps: i totes forgot to talk about the new baby.

my aunt had a baby on August 20th. :D

her name is Kady and she is adorable.

:]

dear world,

i had an amazing weekend. :)

i gots to spend time with boyfrenn and that always makes me happy.

i feel like things are good again.

i feel like i can breath and act how i want too.
i don't feel like there is all this pressure on me anymore.

i feel bad that you-her makes me happy.
but to be honest, i feel like things are between us now.

am i a bad person for that?

idk,i feel like your happier, i feel like your sad tweets, for the most part, have went away.

eyeonknoww.

i want things to keep feeling thos right.
i want us to be how we were this weekend. :]

i think that can happen.


lanna if you read this,

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!
i feel like i don't see you. ad i feel like idk what is happening in your life anymore.
i can't wait for friday<3


ohhz,
andy, if you read this,
I MISS YOU TOO!
why don't you text me anymore?!

we need to hang out soon, like really soon.

anywayzz.
that's all.
it's true blood time. :D

lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

when did i become this way

Dear world,

there are so many things i want to talk about.
so many things i need to talk about.

so many things i'm bottling up.

but don't ask me whats wrong.
cos i'll tell you nothing.

over and over again.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Don't ever forget about me.

Dear World,

I wanna say that I have been busy, hence the lack of postings.
But the truth is, I have been avoiding you.

Things just started getting...to real.
To permeant.
To upsetting.
To legit.

I had to check out for a little while.
I couldn't deal anymore.

I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling.
I was alone.

There wasn't anyone to turn too. There wasn't anyone I could reach out too.
I almost ran away.

In the middle of Sydney, Nebraska, i walked away.
100 degrees, dressed in black, make up all over my face
I ran. I ran like I didn't have a care.
I could feel people following me. I could feel people staring at me, but none of that mattered.
I was alone, again. I was all I could rely on.

I got to this little mom and pop restaurant and I looked in the window and saw all these old couples eating lunch and I can't explain it. I had to sit down.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I sat on a bench and read there crappy little newspaper until my mom called me and asked me to come back so my aunt could take me home.

I walked back, because I didn't want a ride. I needed the air.

I walked under this bridge and it inspired some amazing poetry-esk thoughts that i wish i could have written down right then.

Let's see if I can remember:

Looking down all I see is this ledge.
I can feel the air, pushing me closer and closer
Teasing my self with the illusion i'll jump

Life is funny in this sense
You spent your life feeling so heavy
So weighed down you can't control it anymore
You jump.

You feel so weightless,
Everything is out of your control.
You float down, because for those couple of moment
You remember what it felt like to breathe.

That's not exactly the same but it's most of what i can remember with some extra thrown in.

Don't take this as i'm going to jump of an overpass.
This is just what I started thinking when I saw this.

On a happier note, yesterday was amazing.

I got so burned and it makes me sad, but it doesn't even matter.

Yesterday was SO beautiful and amazing and exciting. :)

I can't wait for Warped 2011. [:

lovezzzz.

-Alisha<3