Day Thirty.!

Day Thirty.

My Refelction In A Mirror.

I see lots of things.
I see me in negetive ways.
I see me in posotive ways.

I see someone who is strong and caring.
Someone who won't let you walk all over them.
I see someone who is willing to stand up for what they beileve in.

But on a bad day i see someone who is weak.
Someone who is disgusting and shouldn't be let outside.
I see someone who lets people hurt them over and over because she is to afraid of what the change would be like.
I see someone who has made so many mistakes.
Someone who has been violated and abused.

I am so many different people in my reflection.
I'm working at finding a working medium.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3



ps. it's crazy that i actually finished this. :)

Day Twenty Nine.

Day Twenty Nine.

A Person You Want To Tell Everything To, But You're Affraid.

there are so many people in my life i am affraid to tell things too.
so many people that think they know me, but they never really will and never really did.
peices of my life are mine, i won't tell anyone. i can't say anything because if i let people know i'm affraid of how they will treat me afterwords.
no one knows what i'm really thinking because if you did you would think i was either a. crazy b. disguting or c. a looney tune.
but for know i am okay with that.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Eight.

Day Twenty Eight.

Someone That Changed Your Life.

My boyfrenn has truley changed my life.
he's helped me through things in my life, that without him i don't know how i would have gotten through. he makes me see that i can be a strong person and that i can move past all the crap in my life.
he helps me realize that two people really can love each other, in a forever kinda way and not hurt each other and put down the other person.
he's jut amazing and he helps me getr by day to day. <3
iloveyou.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Seven.

Day Twenty Seven.

The Freindliest Person You Knew For Only One Day.

I don't know. I meet so many people everyday and depending on the situation they can be the nicest person I have ever met.
Most of those people go into this file in the back of my head that I pull out to remind myself that not everyone is heartless and mean.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Six.

Day Twenty Six.

The Last Person You Made A Pinky Promise Too.

haha umm. i really can't remember.
i now it was at ashleys birthday but i cn't een remember what it was. cos i remember making like a million.
those are obviously some amazing promises if i can't even remember. :]

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Five

Day Twenty Five.

The Person You Know Is Going Through The Worst Of Times.

My mom.
I know she put herself in this situation but still.
It has to suck.
I don't wanna talk about this.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Four.

Day Twenty Four.

The Person That Gave Me My First Memory.

so, i don't really get this one.
my first memory was me when i was about 5 sitting in front of the tv laying down with my feetz in the air. :)
i don't remember what i was watching but yeah.
i think it was in the summer because i remember it being really warm and i was in shorts.

that's all.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Three.

Day Twenty Three.

The Last Person I Kissed.


thomasryanklem<3
this kiss happened way to long ago.
i can't wait for him to get back.

i miss him so much it's killing me. :/
i miss the sound of his voice and his hugs.
i miss his laugh and his smile.

california, give my boyfrenn back!


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty Two.

Day Twenty Two.

Someone I Want To Give A Second Chance Too.


noone.
i've given enough of those to assholes that don't deserve it.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty One.

Day Twenty One.

Someone I Judged By Their First Impression.


i judge everyone by there first impression.
if you fuck it up, say something rude, or i get a bitch vibe,
typically i won't like you.
but i do give out second and third impressions if i really wanna like you. :)


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twenty.

Day Twenty.

The One Who Broke Your Heart The Most.


i have never had my heart broken.
i have had it bruised and torn.
ripped in a couple places.
stepped on and put in a blender.

but, it has never been broken.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Nineteen.

Day Nineteen.

Someone That Pesters Your Mind -Good Or Bad-

-bad-
you don't deserve this blog.
you don't deserve to get your ego fed.
you pester my mind in the worst way.

-good-

well the word 'pester' doesn't sound that great. but tommy is always on my mind. no matter what i am doing, no matter who i am with, i can't stop wishing we were together. missing him to death. he's my everything<3


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Eighteen.

Day Eighteen.

The Person I Wish I Could Be.


i wish i could be beautiful.
i wish i could stick to diets and work out plans.
i wish i could get rid of my negative traits.
i wish i could stop being so jealous all the time.
i wish my moods wouldn't fluctuate so often.
i wish i could make people wanna be around me.
i wish i could please everyone.

i wish i could make over who i am and become someone better, someone people could love and care about.



lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Seventeen.

Day Seventeen.


Someone From My Childhood.


oh the days of young sandbox love, when i meant i knew we were meant to be.
you're name was Daniel, and you were beautiful.
we were meant to get married in Hawaii and have tiny little sports loving babies.
i know that i was previously in love with your best friend, Dylan, but it was nothing compared to my love for you. we used to write plays together and cut peoples hair, we could play poker in the back of Mr.Ingles coat closet, hidden behind mounds of old forgotten winter wear. but alas, you broke my heart. fifth grade came to end and you were moving away from me. to the rough and tough tundra of the rocky mountains, it was perfect for you and bad for our budding romance.
i used to write about you in my diary and how i thought we were going to make sweet passionate love in our play practicing room. i would never let that horrid Megan take you away from me. We were forever and she was just a temporary blonde fix.
ahh, those were the days.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3>

Day Sixteen.

Day Sisteen.

WARNING, i'm not goning to edit spelling mistakes/tyoingmistakes.

Someone Th'ats Not In my State Of COuntry


My gradnma pam.

well i haven't seen my gradnma in like 4 or 5 years and she lives really far away. she used to visit but she doesn't really anymore. her and my mom don't get along so yeahh. i relly don't talk to her much and she's one of those people that just kinda buys you off, but whatever


lovezzz.
-Aisha<3

soy you know i feel dumb cos i can't spell my name right. :(

Day Fifteen.

Day Fifteen.


Someone You Miss Most.

I miss my old friends.
I miss my grandma.
I miss my cousins.
I miss bestfriends in the past.

and, apparently, I miss Lanna. :)

and i miss tommy. :(

i also miss Alanna's sexyface.

lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Fourteen.

Day Fourteen.

Something That Inspires Me.


everything, everyone.
but especially,
your mom.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Thirteen.

Day Thirteen.


A Memory The Never Fails To Make You Laugh.


it makes me laugh when i think about flicking lanna in the face.
that's all. <3


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Twelve.

Day Twelve.

My Definition Of Love.


Love is that moment of uncontrollable emotion where you can't ever see your existence without that person. When you feel like you would do anything to keep that person in your life and that you can do anything. You feel invincible and perfect; when you find that person, you are truly happy.

i wrote that about a year ago for one of ashley's papers.
it's perfect.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Eleven.

Day Eleven.


The Most Awkward First Impression I Feel I've Given.


Haha.
Okai, so way back the first couple months of freshman year we had some sort of after school thing where parents would be invited. Well, I being amazing, decided on these days I would wear a tutu and tons of jewelry and just be awesome. :) Well I was dating Tommy and I hadn't yet met his parents and they came and I was there in a tutu and super bright skinnies. :) Not only did I look like a big five year old but I was acting like one. At first I didn't think anything of it, but when I think back I realize the awkward looks his family was giving me and such. But heyy, they deff got to know the real me that day. :)



lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Ten.

Day Ten.

Someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like.


Meet Aaron.
He's the big brother I never had. He is so sweet and he looks out for me and sticks of for me. :) I miss him terribly. We don't talk that often anymore and I miss him. He used to call me almost everyday and he would explain the weirdest shit to me and teach me how to play Pokemon over the phone; quite a difficult task, but he managed. He's that big goth guy that walks around in trip pants and trench coats and you think he's a complete loner and jerk, but he's really just a big teddy bear. I think that I need to go visit him soon, or he should drive to see me. <3

Meet Jake.
Ahh Jake. This kid is so silly. :) Apparently we have a family in Mexico with eight kids and lots of pigs and other farm animals. When he turns 18 i'm going to Vegas with him and buying him his first lap dance, because he promised his dad he could be the one to buy him his first prostitute. :) Our conversations never make sense but it's better that way. I haven't talked to him in...6 months? :/ and I miss him and i'm worried about him. After all the things that happened with his baby he went MIA and I haven't talked to him since then. I need to fix that.


Writing this made me realize how much I miss this group of people who used to be so important in my life. Who wants to go to Summit county with me? :)
I miss my frendzzz.

lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3


PS. I am aware that this is very late but I have a lot going on yesterday so suck it. :)

Day Nine.

Day Nine.


Someone I Want To Meet.


I want to meet a lot of people. Right now there are a few people in mind I want to meet.

First, I want to meet the guys from Passion Pit. :) I want to tell them how much they mean to me and how there music has helped me in my life, even if they don't care or remember me.

Second, I want to meet Tommy's like grandparents and such. It would mean a lot to me to know more of his family and for them to get to know me.

Third, I want to meet Matthew Lush because he is the one who made me want to be a vegetarian. :)

That's all for now. :)


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Eight.

Day Eight.

A thank you letter to someone who has changed my life.

Normal day eight was lame, on both mine and Lanna's blogs so I stole her day five.

I actually have two thank you letters to write.

Well three. :)

Dear Paul,

Thank you so much for inspiring me how you have. Everyday in your class was a different experience and everyday I learned something about life and about the person I want to become. You have helped me grow as a person and realize all the potential I have and all the things I can give to others. I've never meant someone who knew themselves as well as you do and was so willing to share there personal experiences to help someone else realize something about there life. There are some days I don't know what I would have done without you, knowing I could come to your room after school and just talk to you was amazing. You were always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on or just a room to talk shit. :) I knew that you were going to impact my life when within the first couple of weeks of school I made you cry with my work. In that moment I was more proud of myself then I had ever been because through writing I could move someone to tears. Thank you for making me believe in myself. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone.

Love,

Alisha.<3

Dear Brooke,

I don't even know where to begin. You were like my own personal therapist everyday. I could come to you no matter what the situation and you just listened and never judged. Even though you had such a different upbringing then me you always tried to give me the best advice you could give. I always knew that no matter what you were doing, if I needed you, you would stop what you were doing and talk to me. Thank you for letting me be a complete nut case and cry in your room all the time. Thank you for letting me sit on your tables and talk shit with Lanna almost everyday after school during the second semester. :) Thank you for pushing me to finish my math work, because without you telling me to keep going, I would have stopped and prolly failed. I feel really bad I haven't texted you this summer. I know I wanted too, but I know you have a lot of things going on. But anyways, I love you. :) haha.

Love,

Aisha.<3

Dear Mark,

Thank you for being one of the most amazing teachers I have ever had. Thank you for pushing me and making me open up. Thank you for the ridiculous class discussions about all things you grow up being told are not okay to talk about in school. Thank you for inspiring me with your photography. Thank you for never failing to make me laugh when I was having the shittest of shitty days. Thank you for drawing smiley faces on my head. Thank you for all the ibuprofen you gave me over the year. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a good person and a good citizen. Thank you for being hard on me and not letting me slack off. Thank you for what you wrote in my yearbook, short and sweet it may have been but it was beautiful. Oh, and thank you for making fun of the klemanator and his mom when he wasn't around. :) but also, thank you for telling me that we belong together. :) You are an amazing person and someday, we're gonna go out for ice cream together. :D

Love,

Alisha<3

lovezzzzz.

-Alisha<3

letters to you.

dear world,


lists of things i want to say.
some of these will be to the same person.

- i miss you. but i want you to ask me to hang out, not me asking you.

- you made me so upset, and i thought i ruined our friendship and even though i didn't what you did hurt.

- i want to trust you.

- i love you. thank you for being there for me when i was so upset.

- even though advice giving isn't your thing thank you for listening.

- i hate you.

- i want to believe that you can change, but i just don't.

- please don't lie to me again. i just couldn't take it.

- when are we gonna go shopping?!

- what are you gettting me??

- are you gonna buy me a droid? i hope your gonna buy me a droid! are you gonna get me a car? cos i REALLY want one. [:

and this is a not to me.

you are strong and a good person.. i don't let people walk on you anymore. you deserve the best and nothing but the best. i love you.<3

i sound like affirmation girl. ;D


anywayssss.


lovezzzzz.
-Alisha<3

Day Seven.

Day Seven.

An Ex Boyfrenn.

Meet Alex.

He is truly one of the most selfless people I know. He has a huge heart and he is still one of my best friends. I've always been able to talk to him about anything. He was indeed long distance, but I cared about him very much. He has a new girlfriend and she is sweet and they are in love and adorable. He is happy for me and I am happy for him. :) I think we will be friends for a long time and i'm glad we came out of everything still best friends like before. I'm glad we aren't like hating each other like I am with some other ex's. He's awesome. :D

Anywaysss. Thats all. :)

lovezzzz.

-Alisha<3>

day six.

Day Six

5 Songs I Can't Live Without.

the original one was a stranger, but i couldn't think of anything and that's lame so i stole one of Lanna's.

1. Heroes Get Remembered, Legends Never Die - Four Year Strong.

I am completely and totally in love with this song. When it comes on I feel like dancing and head-banging. It makes me want to sing and it makes me feel happy inside. <3>

2. Who Can Say - The Horrors.

There is something about this song, I can't explain what it means to me. It just sounds beautiful to my ears and I tweet the lyrics all the time. I love his voice, I can fall asleep to this song or just listen to it for hours. The song is so sad, but so amazing at the same time.

3. Thunder - Boys Like Girls.

This is our song. No matter how I am feeling about you I can't skip this song on my ipod. I remember when we were on our way back to school from a field trip, way back at the beginning of Freshman year this song came on your iPod and we each had a headphone and I grabbed your hand and we looked at each other and it was a perfect moment. And that was before this was even our song.

4. Wishing Well - The Airborne Toxic Event.

I am in love with this band. Every song I have ever heard is brilliant. His voice and like deep and scratchy and has a way of making me feel confident. I don't know why, but I love it. It also has some of my favorite lyrics on it.<3

5. Live To Tell The Tale or Let Your Love Grow Tall - Passion Pit

Both of these songs are beautifully sounding and the voices are nice and calming. I would need Passion Pit in my life. They've helped me get through some of the most difficult times. They are my favorite and I can't wait to see them in October.

There are so many more songs I want to pick. :/

But I'll just choose these for now.

lovezzzzz.

-Alisha<3

day five.

day five.

my dreams.


i dream that someday things will get easier for me.
i dream that i will be happy.
i dream that i can change someones life.
i dream that i can mean everything to someone.
i dream that people will stop hurting me.
i dream that someone will love me enough to except me and treat me how i should be treated.
i dream that someday someone will give me all they have.<3
i dream that i can live comfortably and see the world.
i dream that i can grow up and be a good person.
i dream all my friends find someone that will make them happy.



lovezzzzz.
-Alisha<3

we were only 17...

Dear world,



AHHHHH!
FUCK YOU! :D


end.


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

PS. Sometimes there is so much i wanna say and instead i say asshole things and feel better about life. :)

Day Four.

Day Four.


My Brother.


Oh there are so many things I could say.
We fight all the time.
Most of the time I can't stand being around him.
But I love my brother more then anything, and I would do anything for him.
Even though I feel bad for him, and I hate that he's been through so much, I know he's strong and he will always have me in his life.
I wish I could take care of him always and make sure nothing hurts him.
In a way I feel like i've helped raise him.
Anywaysss, that's all.


lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

day three. blah blah blah.

Day Three.


My Parents.

For the most part, I have a shit relationship with the both of them.
They make me feel like shit, and I want to get emancipated as soon as possible.
I'm unmotivated to write this.

Ohkay,
I'm feeling more motivated now.
I'm not gonna lie and say that I have a good relationship with my family.
I'm not gonna pretend that I always love them and we never fight.
90% of the time, I can't stand being around them.
Mostly, they just make me feel like I can't do anything right and that al my choices are stupid.
Sure, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here, but I hate feeling like I owe them credit for accidentally having a kid.
Anyways, theres to much to write for one blog and it would make me feel like shit.
So yeahh.
I don't hate them, but to be honest, idk if I love them.
I care and they mean a lot to me, but that's all I can say right now.



lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3