good dick.

dear world,


ugh. :{
i hate when you do this to me.
please just tell me when things are going on.
i can help, even if it's just talking to me about your problems.
i want to help you.
let me fucking in please.

i miss you.
i miss you so much it hurts.
but i don't want to be the first one to say that.
even though, i guess through this i already did.
whatever.
:|

i hope tomorrow is fun.
i hope friday is fun too.
i kinda feel like i'm gonna be a third wheel even though i made the plans.
but whatever.
as long as i get to see you it doesn't really matter<3


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

end.

dear world,


this is directed at one person and only one person.
and when they read this they will know it's them.

thank you.
i want you to know how much i truly appreciate everything you have done for me and all the times you've helped me and just listened to me talk.
i know i'm not the easiest person to get along with, and i know sometimes i can be a lot to handle
but you are always there for me, when i need you most.
even if you just listen and don't say a word.
thank you. thank you so much.

questions answered.

dear world,


i want to answer two questions I get asked all the time.
i know that the people who ask this won't ever read this but, i don't care.
i need to get these words out.

question one.
why are you a vegetarian?

i am a vegetarian because the idea of eating meat, makes me cringe.
the smell of meat even sometime makes my stomach upset.
the idea of eating a poor animal, being shot down in the middle of the woods to give me nourishment i can get from other sources is awful.
oh and the idea of an animal never even getting to see the outdoors,
being born into a disgusting, dirty slaughter house where they are stuffed until they are so big there legs break and they can't move is even more awful.
You will never make me see your reasoning behind eating meat.
I don't care how it tastes, i don't care if you say its "how nature is", it's disgusting and horrible.


question two.
why don't you believe in god?

I spent the first, at least, 9 years of my life hearing everyone tell me how great god is, and how if you accept him into your life you will see that everything works itself out and you will go to heaven and live forever with him and his perfectness.
Everyone said that if I prayed to god, he would fix all the problems in my life.
So I prayed. Until I was 11 I prayed he'd fix my mom. That he'd fix my dad. That he would take away all the pain from my life,
but you know what happened.
Nothing.
He didn't do a thing.
He didn't reach into my life and make my parents stop drinking.
He just made me feel completely pathetic.
He didn't take away all the hurt I felt, all the sadness that plagued me everyday, he didn't make me feel any better.
I refuse to believe that there is some higher power fixing lives and making everything better.
That's just not how things are.




anyways.
i feel better now.

lovezzz.
-Alisha<3

lalala

dear wold,


i worked out a lot of things.
the person i was talking about in my previous blog told me he was worried he was the only one missing the other and that's why he hadn't called and such.
it made me happy to know he wants to be friends.

and yesterday was amazing
and it made a bit less scared about this summer sucking.
it was the perfect way to start a hopefully really good summer.

i think that you need to come over and we just need to talk.
i feel like i have no idea what is going on with you.
what's wrong?

i really wanna go to 3oh!3 and cobra starship tonight.
it would be such a fun concert. :)
let's go?

anywaysss.
i think i need to start job hunting.
i need some monies and something consistent to do this summer.


lovezzzzz.
-Alisha<3

i'm sick of this feeling. it's making me sick.

dear world,


so theres something i would like to say.

i have been thinking about you a lot lately.
i see you on facebook and i miss how good of friends we used to be.
i wish that i could just call you, but i can't.

we used to be able to talk and talk for hours
but now, it makes me feel weird.

i can't put a word on the emotion because i don't know what it is.
it's just strange
and something i never felt when we used to talk.

it's hard for me to see how different we have become.
it's hard to think about how much you once meant to me and how far we have drifted apart.
you were my best friend long before it became anything more.
and i want to be friends again.

you were there for me through some of the hardest times in my life
and it hurts to know your not there for anything now.

i don't know how to fix it.
and i haven't been able to tell anyone i feel this way.



on a different subject.

i'm terrified for summer.
if you get a job and work everyday,
when will I ever get to see you.

i can't do it again where i see you twice in a two and a half month period.
it'll hurt so bad.

i miss you already, even though i see you everyday.
i want to just hug you everytime i see you
and hold your hand, but you never get my hints
or maybe you just don't want too.

blehh.
i feel awful.
being sick is so shit. :|


lovezzzzz.
-Alisha<3

dayum he's nippin'. ;D

dear world,



i had a great day. :D
me and lanna took amazing picturessss
and drew beautiful peices of art on the sidewalk.

YAY chalk. [;


ohh and guess what.
ILOVEYOUTOMMYRYANKLEM. <3
very very very muhh;
:D


lovezzzzz.
-Alisha<3

your love is my drug

dear world,


i feel so much better about things right now.

andy you're amazing thank you for this conversation.
you've helped me more then you know. [:

i want to remember this conversation when things get hard
and it's hard to remember that i'm winning in this huge tug of war thing going on.


well,
i've got far to much energy to go to sleep.
someone pull an all nighter with me?
:D


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

what do you think when you her my name? am i in your every though?

dear world,


i don't know.
idk
eyeonknow.
noeeeoneeknowss.


you'll never understand how much this hurts.
no matter how many times i tell you it doesn't mater.

i can't be the girl that does that, even though i want to be.

i wish you'd stop making threats.
grow some fucking balls and suck it up.
there are so many people who have had it worse then you.

ugh, your name makes me shake.
physically tremor.
it's ridiculous.

i hate how there is this huge part of me that is so happy.
so fucking happy, i feel like dancing
feel like singing

but then theres this part that feels awful.
part of me can't crawl out of this whole i've been in and be okay.

and i don't want you to know how scared that made me.
i don't want you to know the real reason i feel bad about telling you when things are wrong.
cos it kills me a little inside each time i think about it.
i'm not over it,
and i can't figure out why.

i wish someone would call me and ask me what's wrong.
i wish someone wanted to hear about these things i can't stop thinking about.

but that's dumb.
i should reach out and ask for help.
but who do i ask?

i really did have an amazing weekend.
saturday was really amazing, even if it wasn't what we had initially planned.
i want to keep the picture of that night in my head.
and it will make things better
but i can't help feeling like if i got these thoughts out of my head,
i'd feel completely better.
but your happiness is more important then mine.
to me at least<3
dayum i'm so whipped sometimes.


you know like over half of this blog is about people
you wouldn't even think it was about.
each part is about like 4 people.
how strange.

i just did something i don't know if i wanted to do.
but i need someone.



lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

baby let me love you down, theres so many ways to love you.

dear world,



i've been thinking this same thing for a while now,
but i don't want to write about it here.

i haven't cried in a week and thinking about this thing,
writing about this thing,
will lead to tears and i don't want that.

the more i read your blog
the more i find out that i can't read you.
you cover up everything so god damn well
that i don't know what's wrong till you confess to your blog.

i want to be able to look at you and know that you aren't okay but i can't.
that makes me sad inside.

i want to be the one thing inyour life that works.
i don't want to make you feel bad
i don't want to make you upset.
i don't want you to feel like your done with everything, including me.

i want to be that part of your life you go to when everything else is going to shit.
but i'm not.
i just further complicate your life.
that sucks.

tell me what i can do to make it better for you?
tell me what i can do to make me perfect?


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

keep saying that your fine, but you just lost your shine.

dear world,


i keep saying that i want it to be summer.
but the closer it gets,
the sadder i feel.

i'm gonna miss you so much,
it's gonna hurt so bad.
and you say we'll see each other,
but how am i suppose to know.

all i know is that i can't do last summer.
that killed me inside. :|

blehh.
i just don't know what to do.


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

your beautiful[:

dear world,


all i feel is happy.

it's a beautiful thing,
it's new to me though.

i want it to stay.

i had the most amazing friday.
you don't realize how madly in love with you i am.
days like that make me realize how i want to be with you forever.

you hold me so tight
and those cute little things you do when you sleep
your wonderful in every single way.

i miss your arms around me
everytime i lay down
but it will happen again soon

i think i'm ready for summer
so i can spend the days with you.

i'm just really happy.
i'm glad that you can do this for me.

i miss kissing you
i could spend all day kissing you<3

i love you so much bby<3



lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3