let's talk.

i wrote this last night, when my brain was turned on overdrive.



i wanna be close to you again.
i feel like nothing serious or actually important has been talked about for days maybe even weeks.
i don't say anything anymore.

maybe it's because i haven't felt anything in weeks
nothing passes me.
i'm a wall and i don't know how i became this way.

i ache to hear your voice, telling me things.
i need the silence while i talk because i know your listening.

i'm sick of the carefree front, even though it's real sometimes.
i want to know were i went.
i lost it somewhere, maybe that's fine for now.

you should ask me, what's going on.
i think your scared.
or maybe you just don't care.

maybe i'm falling and the harshness of reality is beginning to sink in.
that's an awful thought.

am i crazy or are you slipping away?
i thought i had this tight grasp and now i think that this is all slipping through the cracks.

this feeling of being ice, is a welcomed relief.
at least i know that something in me is still feeling, other then when you are around.



sometimes i wonder what is happening in my head.
and i wonder if when people read these blogs they know that i'm serious.
and not just stringing words together to sound insightful.

That's all for now.
If you read this, let's talk.
you know who you are.

-Alisha<3

all i can do is grow.

Dear World,

So my mom told me that I might have a chance to move to California and at first I was like well no way jose, I have a whole life here and a boyfrenn I love so much, why would I leave?

I got to thinking about it and I was thinking that I might want to go. It could be good for me, get me out of Colorado and into something I might like more.

After having a conversation with my boyfrenn and best friend I started to doubt if I should go and then decided that it was prolly a horrible idea and that it could hurt my relationship with Tommy.

My mind was set on HECK NO!

But someone told me that I have one life and I should make the most out of it and make every moment something I want. If I want to move to california a little distance shouldn't break us up. I mean will distance make him love me any less? I sure hope not.

I mean I'm not saying that I'm gonna move, but if I want to I should. I'm not anywhere near deciding what I am going to do, and it might not even happen, but if what I have is true unconditional love then it will still be there when I am in California and he is in Colorado.

-Alisha.