when you were young

Dear world,

Today I talked to Brooke. I wanted to tell her so many things.
I had so many things I wanted to say.

I really just wanted to run up to her and hug her and cry and tell her all the things that are wrong with me.

I told her that the doctors think I am depressed.
She said she didn't think I was.

Maybe she's right.
But there are somedays. Days like today, days like yesterday when I feel so down. So sad, I want to sink into the sheets of my bed and never come out.
Some days I can't think of a reason to get out of bed.

How I can tell someone I always feel sad when I have no clue why I am sad?
I have so many things to say and nothing to convey all at the same time.

I am so grateful for this blog.
So many things I can say here and I know no one will ever read this.
And even if they do, I'm not sure I care anymore.

I just want to be happy. Consistently happy.
I want to be able to tell people how I feel.
Even when I say I am being "honest" I am never being completely real.
I don't want to hurt anyone.

Love,
Leesha.

Dear World,

Am I really so unlikable?
What's wrong with me?

I feel alone. I feel so lonely and abandoned.

I miss my friends, I miss feeling like I had friends.

I miss Alanna. I know that we had problems and I know there are some things I don't agree with but we are so alike and she gets me like no one else ever has but now it's gone.
I want to talk to her, but I feel like this is one sided and I feel like she doesn't care and I feel to much like shit to get my heart hurt.
God, I sound like a whiny ex.

I wish I could find a new job. I wish I could do something i'm interested in.
I love Albertsons. Those people at that store care more about me then anyone else in my life.
I've met people that give me hope that there is something to love in me.

I hate feeling worthless.
I can't write about this anymore.

Love,
Leesha.

fuck the people... but use a condom [:

dear world,


i have been having some good times lately.

hanging out with tommy on friday was wonderful and seeing andy was great too. :)
his girlfrenn was really nice and her friend was cracccy but i liked her too.

my mom is coming home this weekend and i'm so glad cos i miss her.

so i pretty much hate photography.
:/
it's so long and boring and i feel awful at it.
i hate asking questions cos it makes me feel dumb.
i should have just taken cosmo like i really wanted too.

idk what else to talk about.



ohh, but did you know?
i love tommy, things are wonderful, i hope things stay like this.
<3
haha i've been wanting to say that.
so there it is.
[:

lovezzzzz.
-Alisha<3

bladyblahblah.

dear world,

i am angry.

my dad AND my brother are gonna be home on friday.
and i want sexytime.!

fuck you guys,
can't you leave and get a freaking life?

blehh.
angry mood.

anddddd, i have something else i wanna say but then people reading this will get sad at me.
but this situation will be lame if what you said is what's gonna happen.

that's all. :/

blahblahblah.


on the upside, i bought a pretty dress today.
and lanna & me had fun this weekend.
and had taco bell twice. :D

i need to do homework.
but i am lazy as fuck.


lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

heros get remembered legends never die

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY


-waking up with sweet texts from tommy
-cudddeling<3
-bracelets that say boobies on them
-being called my love or baby
-crazily painted fingernails
-the idea that when my mom gets back things will be better
-the idea of being a hipster
-modern warfare 2
-true blood
-eric&talbot sexy time
-adrian from secret life of the american teenager
-bedazzled phone cases
-sexytime in darkrooms at pickens
-sexytime on a gazebo
-ipod docks
-plain original flavored gum
-shopping
-beautiful socks and beautiful underwears
-undies from victoria secret
-huge crazily colored or shaped clocks
-huge rings
-blogging, tweetin', and facebooking
-befriending people even when you used to hate them
-basketball shirts and band shirts cos it feels like a contradiction
-gossip girl, 90210, project runway, make it or break it, secret life,ugly betty
-Vampire Diaries and the sexy boys that play on it
-Jersey Shore and all the AMAZINGness it involves
-horro movies
-my list of weird places i have kissed/made out
-yearbook club and the rudeness is entails
-trench coat jackets
-make up
-comcast cable
-curly hairr
-haircuts, highlights, dye jobs
-tattooos and pericings
-bagels and cream cheese! [:


i will continue this list everyday so i remember to blog on yeww<3

i'll rip those scandalous bitches throat

Dear World,


Do you feel ignored?
Cos I feel like I am ignoring you.

I'm sorrrry.

Anyways,
idk hat's been going on since I last talked to you.

Well for starters my mom comes home soon.
She'll be done on September 14th and that's exactly two weeks from tomorrow.
I'm ready for her to come back, i miss shopping with her and hanging out an having someone to talk to.

And when my friends and sch are being lame I hang out with her<3

WOAH, am i awesome or what? [:


I've been getting really dizzy and gettting feeling like i'm gonna pass out which is scary.
This hasn't happened in like forever and idk what's causing it.

Well I have an idea but whatever.

It's getting cold outside again! :D
YAYZZ.

Next weekend Lanna is gonna spend the night and we're gonna go dress shopping and it's gonna be awesome. [:
I'm so excited for homecoming.
I feel like i'll be going solo but whatever.

October is almost here, and that is my favorite month. :D
I'm exited for haunted houses and decorating and pumpkins and all that stuuufz<3
and i really hope to do a halloween dance but idk if that will happen.

Idk what else to talk about.
I want to go see The Last Exorcism.

I have no life to talk about.
I need to find a job.

Well whatever.



lovezzzz.
-Alisha<3

crrrrrepo. :)

i want to hear you say it.
speak your truth.

tell me you hate me.
tell me you need me.

am i making you cringe yet?



laying there in the dark, she sensed everything.
she could hear the faint ticking of the clock in the next room.
the television was a soft fuzz that filled the empty sound space.

her mind was blank.
she was emotionless as she tossed and turned in that cold empty bed
is this what being alone feels like?

the phone rings and it rings but she can't pick it up, her arms are so heavy.
why are they so heavy?

two calls.
three calls.
the horrid sound stops.
she sighs a breath of relief.

"i'm terrified."
barely a whisper, no more then a moan
words escaped her dry cracked lips.

escape.
so simple, so effortless.
but that's not what she wants.

in her dreams, there are so many faces.
she can feel all the eyes staring her down.
what will happen? what will she do next?

nothing.